It was a clinical skills class with some particularly patient and generous patient volunteers, and we were practicing skills we had previously been taught on plastic models. Using a speculum and such. See I’m being sketchy with my explanation because I’m a little wary of search terms on the internet. The Lady Bits Exam.
We were to work in pairs. For a few minutes during the briefing I was uncomfortably aware of a sensation kind of like being picked last for the netball team. I guess working in pairs with the resident queer chick for this particular session could be some people’s idea of awkward. My old buddy Yoohoo rose to the challenge (if there was one).
In the spirit of great maturity, Yoohoo and I rock-paper-scissored for the first examination. I lost.
The volunteer and her chaperone were friendly, and we chatted away as I went about my tasks. My patient was elderly, and the mother of four children, and this was her fourth year of volunteering for this session. I did not find the examination particularly complex or daunting, and we were done with no fuss at about the speed I’d like my GP to get it over with.
As a pair, we were finished fairly quickly. The GP instructor appeared through the privacy screen as we were thanking the patient and saying our goodbyes.
GP INSTRUCTOR: How did they go, ladies?
PATIENT: Ooh they did very well. Yoohoo had a couple of goes, she just needs a bit more confidence. But she was very good.
CHAPERONE: Yes, they did very well. Very professional.
PATIENT: Confidence! Toast was so confident, and fast! Very very good. She may be the best student I’ve seen so far.
GP INSTRUCTOR: Yes, well, she does have a lot of experience.
One of those moments I had to just move on from so that I could roll on the floor hysterically later.
I should note that GP Instructor is not especially known to me, and I’m not sure where she gets her information… I can only assume she knew she was being hilarious.